


think of london and the girl you're returning

by pagets



Category: Disobedience (2017)
Genre: Correspondence, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 11:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18314303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagets/pseuds/pagets
Summary: I hope you’re well. I miss you terribly.





	1. ronit i

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! 
> 
> This is something small that I've been mulling over in my head. There is a severe lack of Ronit/Esti content and I was inspired to contribute something. 
> 
> On a personal note, this is an effort for me to just be a bit less self-conscious with my writing, get it out there even if it's short and imperfect and unplanned. I'm not sure what will become of it but appreciate any engagement from you in advance. 
> 
> On a story note, I have just been constantly thinking of a way these two rebuild their relationship in a post-film world and how that might happen in a way that feels organic and satisfactory to me. Although Esti doesn't really show any resentment towards Ronit in the film I think there is some lingering guilt on Ronit's part and so I believe she would take the onus on herself to make sure Esti doesn't doubt her intentions and think that she would just fly off to NY without another thought of her. I'm planning to continue with the technological correspondence format while our ladies are apart but if I do build to a stage where they are together in person expect proper prose.
> 
> I'll shut up now. 
> 
> Title is taken from the Mumford & Son's song Forever.

**DRAFT**

 

**To:** kupermanesti@gmail.com

**Subject:** (No Subject)

 

Esti, 

 

I meant what I said. 

 

I love you.

 

* * *

 

**DRAFT**

 

**To:** kupermanesti@gmail.com

**Subject:**  (No Subject)

 

Esti, 

 

I can’t believe the last week really happened.

 

* * *

 

**DRAFT**

 

**To:** kupermanesti@gmail.com

**Subject:**  (No Subject)

 

I hope you’re well.  I miss you terribly. 

 

Yours,

Ronit

 

* * *

 

**DRAFT**

 

**To:** kupermanesti@gmail.com

**Subject:**  (No Subject)

 

Esti, 

 

I’m sorry you didn’t hear from me sooner. 

 

It’s only been a few weeks since I left and I earn for you in a way I don’t think I ever allowed myself to before. Seeing you brought everything back, not just us. All of it. 

 

* * *

 

**SENT**

 

**To:** kupermanesti@gmail.com

**Subject:**  (No Subject)

 

Esti, 

 

I wanted to write you so that you would know that I meant it when I said I wanted to keep in touch. I don’t want to pressure you but I couldn’t bear it if you thought I’d left, content not to see you again for another decade.

 

I understand that you need time to figure out who you are going to be outside the community. That day at the Rav’s house, you could see right through me.  I thought I knew who I was but now I think I’m still figuring it out. I think I was lost and I didn’t even know it. I think I’d settled. On not having you in my life.

 

I don’t want that, I want to know you, Esti. Truly, I hope you’ll tell me how everything it going with Dovid and the baby. If you need anything... You are going to be such a wonderful mother and thank you again, for smuggling my mother’s candlesticks out in that hideous bag.

 

It’s important that I have them. 

 

It might surprise you, or maybe it won’t, but when I got home to New York I looked up a Reform synagogue in Brooklyn. I’ve only been the one time, I’ve been quite busy at work but it made me feel closer to you and to the Rav. I know the faith is important to you and I hope you can find some peace, Esti. There are places that will accept you for exactly who you are. I don’t know what’s come over me.

 

You, I suppose. You've awoken something in me, Esti. 

 

Rest assured, I’m in no danger of going frum but there are parts of me I didn’t touch, didn’t dare think about, all those years. It hurt. I had to go, but even still… Some conversations are better had in person, or I suppose at least until I know you actually want to talk to me. 

 

I hope to hear from you.

 

With Love, 

 

Ronit


	2. esti i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esti has always known what she wants and Ronit has never been loved the way she deserves to be.

**SENT**

 

**To:** ronnie.curtis@gmail.com

**Subject:** (No subject)

 

Hello Ronit, 

 

Things have been moving so quickly since you left. I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that I’ve started looking at apartments in Harrow and Finchley. I know it’s not that far but it’s something familiar at least when so much is changing and when the baby comes I don’t want to be too far from Dovid. It seems like the least I could do.

 

There is the small hurdle of finding a new job when I’m going to be off on maternity leave in just a few months but I’ve applied to a few agencies that manage relief teaching. It might be better to wait until after the baby to think about going back full time anyway. I have money saved in the meantime. I can imagine you reading this, “the perks of being frum.”

 

I was happy to hear from you, Ronit. Of course, I want to speak to you. I love you. I wasn't sure I should write that but I regretted not saying it that day in the cab and it doesn’t matter how I say it. You just need to know. I do. I do. Thank you, I know you understood why I needed to stay here but I couldn’t bear it if I never saw you again. I hope you’ll visit soon, preferably before I get so big I won’t be able to tie my shoes and the highlight of your visit would be watching me nap.

 

So much happened while you were here and yet so much was left unsaid. I know I said it was easier for you to leave but I was angry. It was so overwhelming to me when you left but deep down I know it was never easy. Talking about it won’t suddenly remind me that I hate you, I don’t. I can’t. I am starting over and I have you and Dovid supporting me and I’m terrified, Ronit. 

I can’t imagine what I would have done if I was barely twenty and in a foreign country, halfway across the world. I know why you needed to leave, I know never been happy in this place but I know what you gave up too. I’m sorry it took the Rav dying to make me reach out to you. My own fears stopped me from speaking up sooner and urging Dovid to tell you he was sick. I knew you’d come. Oh, Ronit. Everyone here has judged you so harshly, and for what? You have always deserved to be loved so much more completely than this place ever allowed. 

 

I love you desperately and yet it seems as though everything about my circumstance is constantly at odds with what you want, even now. Since we were girls nothing has ever been more clear to me then you and yet nothing gets more simple, not ever. 

 

You can always be honest with me.

 

Always,

Esti. 


End file.
